Over these recent years of things like nervous system + emotional regulation becoming common phrases, I’ve noticed something. These tools are fantastic ways to become more at home in our bodies and connect with ourselves and others…and at the same time, what tools were created for isn’t always how they end up being used. Sometimes, we use tools of regulation and release to soothe ourselves too quickly out of an emotional response that actually needs to be alchemized and integrated, and in doing so, we never fully get the message that emotion was bringing to us.

This is part of a common misconstruing where a “regulated” nervous system is taken to mean being perpetually calm and unaffected by the world. I do think the word “regulation” is misleading –  I like “nervous system dynamics” better, because just like “balance”, regulation with our emotional and nervous system states is dynamic. It doesn’t mean always staying calm: it means being able to respond and adapt to the present moment, and feeling whatever we need to feel to acknowledge the truth of that moment. When things are calm and safe, yes, being calm and unbothered is an appropriate response. 

And, when something horrifying happens, being horrified is also an appropriate response. 

When we see injustice, genocide and war crimes in the present moment, rage is an appropriate response. 

When we’re faced with the instability and uncertainty of global upheaval, fear is an appropriate response. 

When we witness bombed hospitals and murdered children, grief is an appropriate response. 

No, I am not saying to go beyond your limits and capacity, to get stuck in these responses, to take them out on others, or to go to a place of overwhelm. None of that is helpful (and none of that is really honouring or processing emotions, either). 

What I am saying is that peace at the expense of truth isn’t actual peace – it’s a fragile illusion that’s not sustainable. The world will show you differently, and your body eventually will too. 

Really feeling the truth of our interconnectedness holds us together, but it’s often heartbreaking, too. That’s just part of being human. Rushing to fix, heal, or somehow transcend this tension can lead to us denying our responsibility to each other, and dropping people when we need each other most. Simply put, being moved creates movement: the way the world touches us drives action and change. But for that to happen, we have to bear witness even (or especially) when it’s uncomfortable.

So, if you’re feeling heavy at the state of the world, that’s a good sign. It means you’re alive, you’re feeling the truth, and you’re here in this moment – and that’s right where the possibility of change exists.